Sorry I forgot to post ! Why took a break from Friday Light

Well, I never thought I would be, but I am back! Yes indeed, Friday Light has risen up like the Phoenix from the fire, or pollution, if you live where I do! Thank God that last year was over – was it me or was it a tough one? 2015 is over; yessss! What a huge celebration!

Basically, [deep breath] I have an impossibly long story to tell. What I need to say to you right now is like writing to your mum after you left home and went round the world for a year and seen everything from new species of venomous salt water eels to dodging a live volcano; like where do you start?

You wouldn’t believe what I have been through in the last few months. Well actually, yes you would. The more regular readers would anyway. The truth is I have been rescuing my business with the shite flying off the shovel at me at the speed of a Gecko’s tongue. I’ll come onto Geckos in a sec. But God makes seriously big shovels now!

But the reason why I couldn’t write is because I have been working through lunches, till late to save Kennedy’s. It’s done! It was an uneasy Christmas though wondering if we would survive and keep the house and pay the mortgage and small things like that.

Any new readers with me, I should explain that we were targeted by a criminal gang and lost most of our retained profit. But I stayed positive, willed the cash back – sold my heart out chased hard and blimey we are looking like we are doing better than we were before – It’s all change. Thank you many of you who were part of that journey

I wrote a Friday Light on Christmas Day for you and was toying whether to publish it, but I think you might like this one – it’s classic! T’s been sitting in my hard drive unpublished and I can’t leave it, so here is Friday Light – written on Christmas Day 2015. Hence it’s in the present tense.

We are sitting in the lounge with all the bank-breaking and (far too many) presents under the tree with our 4-year-old busying himself upstairs with a novel past time of his of covering the sausage dog in shampoo.

He actually believes too, that Santa dropped though the chimney last night through the fake narrow Victorian fireplace and placed all the presents under the tree, including a kid’s bike, which is about three times the width of the fireplace. But hey, as we sit back after weeks of hell and preparation and they all open their stocking fillers, we say that those weeks of ‘unenjoyment’ for a single day of ‘enjoyment’ will be worth it, yes it will; I will myself to believe.

One of my sons wrote ‘a gecko please’ on his wanted from Santa list that he stuck ambitiously to the fridge door. So mum and dad foolishly agreed to buy one. He doesn’t know he has one yet. I had to keep this damned thing a secret for some time so picture this.

Dad hiding in the toilet on the landing, so no one sees him with this curious slow moving creature while preparing ‘Gecko’s’ dinner. Forget about what I need to eat on Christmas day! This involves covering live insects in what looks like icing sugar (which is impossible anyway) and putting them in the Gecko cage. all while leopard Gecko looks at me expectantly inside for his lunch. Oh and I am trying to stop Gecko jump out too with a hand full of reluctant jumping bugs that understandably do not want to be gobbled up live and jump in!

So these horrid bugs jump about all over and don’t like being dinner, so what was supposed to be a secret reptile feeding mission in the toilet, went badly wrong as these crickets covered in this white powder stuff willingly escaped and where jumping all over me (everywhere except the cage really) on the loo seat too, as I tried to catch them and put them in the vivarium.

“Dad what are you doing in there?’ A voice comes from down the stairs. “We want to open the presents!”

“Oh nothing I’ll be out a minute,” I said, as I was trying to stop these, now brilliantly white bugs crawl out from under the loo door and get them off my pullover and flush them down the loo.

Yes the things we do for Christmas! It’s been a pet bonanza, so to add to my zoo keeping duties this Christmas, my daughter’s pet corn snake thought it was all too much too and had liver failure. So another flood of tears (another pet shop trip) as we went to the vets and ‘Binky’ the snake was admitted to intensive care. Luckily the bill wasn’t too big – he virtually died in transit.

And to add to this again the pet grey rabbit is getting really very old now and yes is not digesting his food properly so I have bought an air freshener to go on each corner of his cage! Please rabbit; don’t make that smell on Christmas day! My house is a zoo. I’m a human get me out of here; it’s Christmas!

But it’s all going to plan, even though we are living in a zoo. There are white-coated crickets crawling all over and to add to the special effects my son is at the ‘animal noises stage’ too so has stopped using the language that we spent a flipping fortune in education for him to use and prefers to bark like a dog.

The teenagers are on their iPhones looking bored with us while planning their new year’s parties and well, come on IT’S CHRISTMAS! I need that chardonnay now please! [End. Christmas day 25th December]

There you go – I just couldn’t leave that on the hard drive! Made me laugh, hope it did you too. And when I hear that song ‘I wish it could be Christmas every day,’ surely the writer was totally psychotic!

Warmest wishes to you all for wonderful 2016

Angus

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