When You Are Too Far up To Go Down and Too Far Down To Go Up !

I think when you are preparing for something big – I mean bigger than you imagined, you find at some point after 30 years (say), you are too far up to go down and too low down to go up! Well that’s me all right. What am I doing with all this effort I wonder? I keep saying it’s gonna be good Angus, yes really good, and big too, the dream, I can do it; but now even my wife and kids have given up on me months ago.

Clearly years of putting up with me saying it will happen when it hasn’t! They wonder if I am just a climber and like punishing myself with welcome servings of regular catastrophic and energy-wasting disappointments.

And now I say to myself well I can’t go down now! So I’ll have to go on my own to the summit to a place where dreams come true! But perhaps I was born to climb all my life without the dream or the happy ending?

One rock after the other; you think you are at the top an then oh no baby, another flipping mountain, a great monster is sitting there right on top of the mountain I just climbed. But then, for the next one you are thinner, the climate is colder, the air thinner, your reserves lower but it’s too late. It’s too far to go back.

You sit down and give up and then out the blue someone comes along and helps you up and the next assignment comes like a new TV program or the mention that a distant literary agent might see you and so on. And so on it goes and on it goes. The story of Angus Kennedy trying to live his big dream of making people realize their dreams by him never giving up on his!

A curious and rather ridiculous passion I have too hey. But I have decided and made it my intention then (without fear) to live the dream – I have to. Because I can’t live any other way! I was not born actually to do anything else. The planet needs me to be the real me – the dream. But as so many people are not living their dreams it’s sure is a lonely path guys and gals! If we don’t have dreams they can’t come true and I can’t be true either. Being truthful about whom I am in essence, is what a dream is.

And the most amazing thing about my ‘experience’ of being the world’s most successful failure is this. I am not really planning my dream any more. I am waiting for opportunities and taking them all as they come to me! I am not saying I must have that and try and get it and fight and push or I would fade away on such a long quest. The hunter that conserves energy and waits for his prey is more successful than the one that goes hunting. But the trick here is not to worry what prey you end up with too! What comes to you is what is right for you and what you chase you will never see!

So all I am doing is saying ‘yes Ok then’ to ALL opportunity and oddly the chance meetings and phone calls I don’t normally take are leading to things I could not have found or discovered had I known what I was doing.

So when we are lost in the wilderness, in an uncomfortable comforting way, we often have more chance of finding the great opportunity that seemed so distant than when we were stuck in our old tracks seeing the same old shite – day in day out. So I am climbing up, getting lost but climbing on the whim and a spark from the soul. If I thought about what I was doing I would have gone back down to daft human life.

And now I don’t really care where I am going. All I know is it’s a big climb and there’s going to be a brilliant view and, yes, if I wait long enough I will discover the real reason why I am there!

Well sod it. Here’s to being hopelessly lost, not really knowing where we are going and creating the unexpected chances that could not occur had we planned the route we thought was right. Follow the signs in your heart and ignore the ones showing you the way!

How can one find guidance with being lost?


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